I haven't blogged in a while. The truth is that I read over my blog posts and feel like a miserable failure. You see, the point of my blog is to find something good in every day and in retrospect, I see I'm really not doing a very good job of that.
Today at the bookstore I spotted a book called 'The Happiness Project'; i picked it up hoping to be inspired. I just finished reading the first chapter and I couldn't help but smile as I related to this woman's perfectionism getting in the way of her happiness project. She kept running up against paradoxes, coincidentally the very same paradoxes that baffle me:
*I want to change myself yet accept myself
**I want to take myself less seriously and also more seriously
***I want to use my time well but also spend more time wandering
****I want to think about myself and forget myself
After reading these, it's not hard to imagine why I feel lost, confused and discouraged; yet, I don't want to let my perfectionism to get in the way of my pursuit. Sure my blog is a bit of a downer but they did pass my own positivity test at the moment I posted them so perhaps that's good enough for now. My drafts folder is evidence that they don't all make the cut.
Like the woman in the book, I am not seeking the secret to happiness; I simply want to be happier. Unlike the woman in the book, I am not preparing for adversity; I'm attempting to recover from it. Clearly I won't always get it right but what I will do is keep trying, keep looking for something good in every day and I have a feeling that I just may find it.