To Thine Own Self Be True

In this era of self discovery and self improvement, we are not only encouraged but mandated to identify and examine our flaws.  It does not take us long to find out we have problems, we make mistakes and then we make a daunting list of every thing we want to change about ourselves.  We feel inferior.  We feel broken and we attempt to FIX ourselves ... CHANGE ourselves.  AND sometimes through this process we forget who we really are, we forget the amazing things that make us unique and special.

I believe in learning and growing as an individual.  I believe in investing time in figuring out who we are and what path we want to be on.  The danger, I find, is in letting ourselves fall into an identity of being broken, problematic, troublesome.  We try to turn ourselves into someone we were not meant to be and we chastise ourselves for not being willing or able to change.  Do we really need to change ourselves into an entirely different person or do we just need to tweak a few things about ourselves?

 I have felt really lost and broken, damaged beyond repair and I have been doing a lot of searching.  What I have found is that I have created this identity for myself of being a dilemma, a problem to be solved, a person who makes so many mistakes, a burden.  Along the way, I somehow forgot that I also have some really unique and "awesome" characteristics until just recently I was reminded by my daughter who wrote me a list of "Specifically Awesome Appreciations That is Mum".  In this list she reminds me that it's not only just okay to be me; I am appreciated and loved for exactly the person I am right now.

Yes, I will keep studying those roadmaps, learning and growing but I will also remember to maintain the qualities that make me authentically me.  Shakespeare said it best "This above all: to thine own self be true."

It's a question of character

Hello friends.  I've been neglecting my blog as I have been busy working away on the restoration of my soul.  I am pleased to tell you that the restoration process is going well and I'm ready to blog again.

I have had some heaviness in my heart and my soul lately as I feel I am being judged by those around me both personally and professionally.  Maybe I'm always under the microscope of others but the soul restoration work has led me to be more sensitive to it.  I don't know.

Today, I had a bit of an AHA moment though as I came to ask myself "Perhaps it is me who should be questioning the character of those who have come forward to question my character?" and even more importantly "Who should I allow to be in the position of power to judge my character?"

The soul restoration process has involved

 #1 establishing a mission statement with values I will live my life by and 

#2 setting rules and priorities that will enable me to live my life in accordance my mission and values.  

In this new world order, am I not holding the gavel myself rather than allowing others to sit as judge or jury over my character?

It does not feel good to be judged or criticized by others especially if you happen to care about them and maybe even value their opinion.  But life is a tough gig and frankly I'm tired of being so hard on myself.  Instead, I'm working on accepting myself ~ strengths and weaknesses all in ~ and showing myself compassion.  So after a long thought provoking day, I've decided to remind myself that I am okay with who I am, I am proud of my character and strength.  I, in fact, am enough.  

forgive [fəˈgɪv]

I've been thinking about forgiveness a lot lately, it's part of this Soul Restoration process ~ they tell you to forgive everyone, YES EVERYONE.  There have been numerous studies that have shown that people who forgive become less angry, feel less hurt, are more optimistic and become more compassionate. This all results in a reduction in stress and physical manifestations of stress.  Based on this, it sounds like forgiveness is something you actually do for yourself and not for others.

I recognize that I do not have a forgiving heart and that is something I want to change about myself.  I can intellectualize that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hold resentments.  The trouble is, I don't really understand forgiveness.  What does it even mean? How do you actually forgive?  Is forgiveness necessary?  I did some research on the internet machine to get some more insight and perspective;  what I learned has actually really helped me understand what forgiveness is and even more importantly what forgiveness is not.

Forgiveness IS the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger.


Forgiveness IS NOT excusing the behavior or actions of others. I think my biggest struggle with forgiveness has been the feeling that I am condoning hurt others have inflicted on me.  What I am coming to see though is that it's not about saying you are okay with what happened or that you agree with it, it's about letting go and moving on.
 
Forgiveness IS NOT forgetting or wiping the slate.  As Arthur Schopenhauer has said  "To forgive and forget means to throw away dearly bought experience."  Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past, or forget what has happened; all it means is that you are letting go of anger and pain and moving on to a better place.

Forgiveness IS NOT about reconciliation.  We have to make a separate decision about whether to reconcile with the person we are forgiving or whether maintaining distance is a healthier choice for us.

Forgiveness DOES NOT have to involve any interaction at all with the person you are forgiving.  It can be simply something that changes in your heart or for those who require something more tangible, there are several symbolic letting-go rituals that can help with the process. For me, I feel like it will be cathartic to write letters to express all of my feelings and explain why I need to let go and then I plan to have another burn party.  Last week I had an anger burn party where I burned some cards and letters that that were causing me anger.  This week I am going to have a forgiveness burn party where I burn the letters of forgiveness and release that into the universe.

Now that I have dissected and analyzed this concept of forgiveness and have been able to differentiate what it is versus what it is not, I believe that FORGIVENESS IS POSSIBLE and even further that forgiveness will change my life. There are people I will find hard to forgive, it will be even harder for me to forgive myself but I know it's time to really let go of the past and focus on the present.  I'm moving on.

Maximum Inefficiency

I am generally hesitant to actually give advice to others, especially on my blog; however, I am so confident in my ability to be in efficient that I am making an exception.  Over the past two days, I have been frantically cleaning, organizing and preparing for my Aunt to visit and even though I've know about this for a very long time, I left everything to the last minute and tried to cram way too much in leading to a lot of aggravation and frustration along the way.  So here I'm going to share with all of you my top 10 inefficiency tips, Letterman style.

Before you get started though, be sure you pick the right project because in order to ensure maximum inefficiency, it should be a project that you really do not want to do (like cleaning your house), if you enjoy doing something it can be more difficult to truly be inefficient. 

Tip #10. Set your expectations high, so high that given the time and resources you have the task is virtually unachievable.

Tip #9. Be tired before you start.  Be exhausted if possible.  In fact, don't take care of yourself at all.  Don't shower.  Don't eat.  It's important that you start off in the correct state of mind.

Tip #8. Feel sorry for yourself.  Convince yourself that everyone else on the planet is having so much fun and that they all have so much more help than you do.

Tip #7. Incorporate distractions ~ tv, music, telephone, texting ~ whatever distracts you most will do.

Tip #6. Create extra work as you go ~ spilling, dropping, breaking.  It doesn't matter what just as long as it creates chaos and/or frustration and is quite difficult to clean it up.

Tip #5. Keep supplies like cleaners and paper towels and especially the garbage can in a separate area from where you working, on an entirely different floor if you can.  This way you will spend lots of time and energy running around the house.  If you are inconsistent with where you keep it, you can also waste a lot of time looking for things which is excellent in this process.

Tip #4. Don't finish anything the first time around.  For example if you take dishes out of your bedroom, don't take them to the kitchen and put them directly in the dishwasher.  Maybe make a pile outside your door and then add an item to your list to take them to the kitchen later.

Tip #3. Plan a LOT.  Make lists and plan out how long you think every task will take, make schedules for yourself and repeat this process often throughout the period of time you are working on this project.  Some people underestimate the importance of planning to the inefficiency process but trust me, it works.

Tip #2.  Add in extra projects, especially ones you've been avoiding long term and aren't very important at this moment.  This can include things like washing blinds, cleaning the dust in the tiny little fan ducts with a cotton swab, clean out and organize your pantry, sort shoes.  As long as the task has minimal impact on the final outcome then it qualifies under this category and will assist you in prolonging your project.

Tip #1. And my number one tip for maximum inefficiency is to spend a lot of time thinking about how you will blog about the experience.   Try to do this in the final hour or two of your project deadline.  Distracting yourself from the task at hand when you have the least amount amount of energy and highest level of stress is sort of like icing on the proverbial inefficiency cake.

Please remember my friends that creating maximum inefficiencies in your day-to-day life is a process, it will not happen overnight.  You must practice and hone these skills but if you stick to it, I have confidence that you too one day may be as inefficient as me.

Defying Gravity

 Everyone deserves the chance to fly!

This weekend we went to see the Broadway Musical 'Wicked' as part of my plan to add more enjoyment into life.  It was such a great play and there is something really special about sharing these experiences with my daughter and creating forever memories.   

I think the song "Defying Gravity" could be my daughter's theme song ~ it is about taking chances and not playing by the rules of someone else's game or accepting limits.  I admire that about her.  From a mother's perspective, it can be scary sometimes but I still think it's much better than living life in fear and not taking chances.  She's only nineteen years old and already she has participated in a 6-month volunteer program; she has traveled to many areas of Canada as well as South America, the United Kingdom and Europe.  Her world is so different than mine was when I was that age.  

Sometimes it seems like our roles are reversed because it feels like I learn more from her than she could ever learn from me.  Who knows, maybe some day I too will try defying gravity?  It's not too late even for me.  Certainly I am blessed beyond words to have her in my life and all I ever hope for is for her to be happy and have all she's ever wanted. 

♪ I hope you're happy right now ♪

 

Closing for Restoration

These past few months I have felt like I'm unraveling and I don't really know why.  It seems to me that I have been in survival mode for so long, doing superficial type "upkeep" but the damage caused from the trials and tribulations of life is severe, perhaps unrepairable.

It makes me think of a house that has suffered fires, floods, wind storms, wear and tear.  The house has aged more than it should for it's years but it has also endured more.  From the outside everything looks okay; certainly the surface work done has kept it presentable, mostly to avoid complaints from the neighbors.  The debris has been removed, walls have been painted, floors have been covered over, weeds have been killed and the lawn has been mowed.

 Underneath all of that, who really knows how bad it is.  What's the condition of the plumbing and wiring?  Are there cracks in the foundation?  Is it even worse than that; has toxic mould spread throughout?  The true damage is really unknown to the casual observer.

How important is the truth really?  Can a person indefinitely hide what's really going on underneath that tough exterior that they've worked so hard to achieve?  I have a lot of questions and very few answers.


Some time ago a random message was sent to me via facebook; a daily truth from the Brave Girls Club.  Starting with "Dear Weary Girl ... " and ending with "Everything is going to be okay, it really is.  You are going to make it.".  Whoever wrote this message knows me, I don't know how they know me but they do and their messages reach my heart.  I was so positively affected by it that I signed up for the daily emails.

From there I found a course offered on the same website called Soul Restoration and it was like they were describing me and my worn down house that I had been imagining over the past few months.  I procrastinated for a few weeks but today I finally signed up.  I believe this was sent to me for a reason, I simply don't believe in coincidences ... not to this extent.  I do feel totally disconnected and beyond repair.  I don't necessarily believe that a six week course can restore my soul but I'm willing to try.  I am joining the brave girls and I am closing for restoration.

Wish me luck!

Versatile Blogger Award

 The rules of the Versatile Blogger Award are:
 
*Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them in your post.

*Tell us seven things about yourself.

*Award fifteen recently discovered new bloggers. 


 I am very honored to receive this award from Busy Mama.   Thank you for reading my blog and for providing me with encouragement and feedback.


Seven Random Things about Me (no particular order):

7. I am a self-professed nerd.  I love to read and learn.  If I'm going to do something, I want to do it well ~ with perfection if possible:)  When I am interested in or fascinated by something, I want to research or study it in pain-staking detail.

6. I love coffee and candy.

5. I am color-blind.

4. I have been single for so long now that I can't even remember what it feels like to be in a relationship.  I'm mostly okay with that; relationships scare me.

3. Chinese Astrology fascinates me, I'm not sure why.  I first started studying it on a beach in Mexico a few years ago.  I was born in the year of the metal dog ~ it makes sense to me or it helps me make sense of me I guess.

2. I used to think I was a reluctant extrovert but I have learned that I am actually an introvert.  I enjoy time with friends and social gatherings but it drains my energy. I need lots of time to myself and am only truly refreshed by alone time. 

1. Authentic relationships are the main priority in my life.  I treasure friends and family who are loyal, sincere and genuine. 

I really have not read enough blogs to have15 bloggers to pass this on to but I do follow six blogs that are very deserving of this award:

1. Of course I have to pass it back to Busy Mama for Wendy Can't Cook.
 
2. Busy Mama's has another blog Who Took My Last Cup of Coffee.  It's just real writing about real feelings and real life.  One of my favorite posts is Broken Homes and Fairy Tales.  Check it out!

3. A Gorgeous Life Happiness 101 for Perfectionists is such a great blog.  It's refreshing, upbeat and sure to entertain you.

4. If you want to try some amazing German recipes from an amazing German woman check out Black Forest News.

5. I was introduced to Brene Brown via a facebook link to one of her videos.  She speaks of the value of mindfulness, authenticity and vulnerability.  If you want to be inspired, check out her blog Ordinary Courage.  I especially encourage you to read her post on Authenticity.

6. I just recently started following a blog  Life is Beautiful written by an amazing woman who writes from her heart. 

I really enjoy writing my blog, it has proven to be a great outlet for expressing my feelings and life experiences.  I have also found that through this blog I have connected with some pretty amazing people as well ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤